I want you to look this week at a place where you are frustrated with somebody.
Maybe it is someone at work. Maybe it is your spouse. Maybe it is a friend, a business partner, a client, or someone in your family.
Perhaps something happened or didn’t happen. They did not call you back. They said something in a meeting. They missed a deadline. They gave you a look.
Then your human got involved.
You made it mean something. They do not respect me. They are not committed. They are selfish. They always do this. They do not care.
And maybe some of that is true. I am not saying you are making everything up. But your context is not the truth.
Your context is made up of your experiences, your beliefs, your memories, your circumstances, and the meaning you have made of all of that. It is the lens you are looking through. When you forget that it is a lens, you start treating it like reality itself.
That is when you lose access to the person in front of you and to yourself. You are no longer listening to them. You are listening to your story about them. You are no longer asking questions to discover what is happening. You are asking questions to prove that you were right all along.
So this week, when you notice yourself getting certain about someone else, stop for a minute. Ask yourself: What actually happened? What did I make it mean? What might I not be seeing?
Then ask: if I were really interested in understanding what is happening over there, where I am not, what would I ask?
That is where a powerful question comes from. Not from needing to win, but from being present enough to discover something you do not already know.
If someone you care about has been in a difficult relationship, leadership situation, or season of life, they may benefit from being in the Create Powerful Course. Our next course is September 8–12. Learn more and register at ontocore.com/createpowerful.