I want you to consider something that is very simple, but not always easy to see in the moment.
You have an intention in a conversation. You want someone to understand you. You want them to take action. You want to create accountability. You want your spouse, colleague, employee, or friend to have a particular experience of you.
Then you generate language.
And sometimes the language you generate does not create what you intended.
You come in hot. You get short with somebody. You say something that, in your mind, is completely justified. Maybe it is justified. But then you look up and the other person has shut down, gotten defensive, or moved away from you.
You can tell yourself they are too sensitive. You can explain why you had every right to say what you said. You can make the whole thing about them.
Or you can ask a more useful question: Was the language I generated consistent with my intention?
That is the powerful versus non-powerful distinction. It is not about being nice, and it is not about being right. It is about being accountable for what you are creating with your language.
If your intention was to create trust and your language created distance, then something is off. That does not mean you are bad. It means you have an opportunity to recreate.
Maybe you say, “Hang on. That did not come out the way I intended. Let me try that again.”
Most people do not do that. Most people defend the first thing that came out of their mouth because their human is involved and it wants to be right. But being awake enough to see what you are creating, and willing enough to create it differently, is power.
Remember, do you want to be right, or do you want to be successful?
This week, notice where your language is creating something different than what you intended. Then ask yourself: What do I want to create here, and what language would be consistent with that?
We have another Create Powerful Course coming up September 8–12. If you know a colleague, friend, family member, or leader on your team who would benefit from this work, send them our way. Learn more and register at ontocore.com/createpowerful.