Here’s something worth paying attention to this week.
Think about a relationship where you’ve found yourself frustrated recently. It may be someone at work, your partner, a member of your team, or even a close friend. Before you make them wrong, I want you to consider another possibility.
Did the two of you actually have an agreement, or did you have an expectation?
Those two can feel almost identical until you learn the difference.
One of the easiest ways to damage a relationship is to hold someone accountable to an agreement that never existed.
Over the years, I’ve watched countless people become disappointed because they believed someone “should have known.” Maybe they should have. Maybe it seems obvious from your perspective. But there is a meaningful difference between something that feels obvious to you and something that the two of you actually agreed to.
An agreement is something both people can point to. It was spoken. It was understood. Both people know what they said yes to, or no to.
An expectation often can’t be located outside of your mind. The other person may not have known it existed. We may assume the other person sees the situation the way we do, values what we value, or knows what we never actually communicated.
When those expectations go unmet, it is easy to conclude that someone has let us down. Sometimes they have. Other times, we are experiencing the consequences of not creating a clear agreement in the first place.
I’m not suggesting that the other person has no responsibility. I’m asking whether you’ve fully taken yours. If what you want is a different result, begin by asking yourself whether you have actually created the agreement you were counting on.
As you move through this week, notice where you are carrying expectations. Have the conversation. Create the agreement. You may discover that what looked like a people problem was actually a conversation that didn’t happen.
Our next Create Powerful Course takes place September 8–12. If you’ve been considering coming back, I think you’ll experience it in an entirely different way — you’re not the same person who attended before, and I’ve been working to upgrade the overall experience and teachings of the course. If someone came to mind while reading this, perhaps this is the time to invite them. Learn more and register at ontocore.com/createpowerful.